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Grieving a Loss

Finding Ways to Heal

"Death is the word used to signify ‘the end of life,’ spoken by persons who see not that seeming death is really ‘the beginning of life,’ and the opening of the sacred volume of eternity,” said Andrew Jackson Davis, a medium, channel, and one of the founders of modern spiritualism.

What does that mean for those of us left behind? How do we reconcile knowing that death is a new beginning for those who have passed and the emotions that battle against those words?

Grief affects everyone. Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member may be one of the hardest challenges many of us will face. Losing a spouse, parent or child can be particularly intense and overwhelming. Many of those who have found spiritualism did so because of grief.

Death is a type of magnificent tyranny; it is uncompromising, and comes in time to all of us. It hurts us viscerally. Although we may try to avoid it, we cannot. The reality is we will never see that person again in this physical world. While we feel the person is gone forever, we may focus more on the ending. We replay in a loop the illness process, the effects of an accident, the pain and suffering. We begin to question ourselves about what we could have done, what steps we could have taken or changed. We know mentally it doesn’t help because as much as we wish for it, the past cannot be rewritten. Our heart takes over; we exist in this bubble of emotion while trying to stay connected to our loved one. 

Grief is intensely personal and has no clock. The pressure from others around us to not feel the emotion or to “get over it” in what they think is a timely fashion makes us feel worse. In a desire to make us feel better, others sometimes do the opposite. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, the old adage says. They don’t always have the answers or know what to say. They want us to be okay, to heal, and to know that the love we remember is still with and around us. It is just there in a different way. 

Grief has multiple stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, these are not linear. The stages come in waves; we never know what will throw us back into it. The final destination of acceptance doesn’t mean we are free from the loss. It’s something we always carry with us and it leaves its scar on our hearts. Acceptance in many cases simply means the pain is manageable. A grieving parent can manage to live each day. A bereaved wife can put one foot in front of the other and raise her children. 

There are some things we can all do to help our grieving process. 

Lessen some of our commitments. This gives us the time and space we need to heal.

Don’t hold back the pain. Allowing ourselves to cry when we need to and not trying to hold back the emotion will allow its release. 

Stay in the present moment. Getting out of our emotional self for a short time by paying attention to everything around us in detail helps the mind focus on something other than the loss. 

Be conscious of the physical body. Where are you holding stress and tension? Release that tension through breathing, and help the body relax, if only for a short spell. 

Seek counseling from a trained professional. This will help develop coping mechanisms and simultaneously relieve some of the emotional pain being carried. 

Connect with others through support groups. Groups are a great way to connect with others dealing with similar loss. Compassionate Friends, a nonprofit offering friendship, understanding and hope to those going through the natural grieving process, is a group that helps those who have lost a child. Healing often comes through caring and sharing.

Sometimes the spirit can come through to help heal the relationship. There can be learning on the other side, and this connection can bring a closure of sorts. The closure to the physical reality and openness to the true essence of who we all are is spirit. It brings peace to those of us left behind, and offers us hope and healing. It allows us to relive the memories that we shared with our loved ones. There is an opportunity to experience them again while giving us a forum to talk about them. It helps us feel the love. It is truly a miracle and a holy experience that helps all those who are grieving, even if they are not the one receiving a message. 

The spirit world sees grief differently, as if we are separated for a short while and will be together again. Without the presence of time in their reality, it’s as if they know tomorrow we will be together. For us here, one man’s tomorrow is another’s eternity. Spirits want us to remember them. They will do their part and try to get our attention to help us and them heal and progress. If we are open to it, we can feel their presence around us in a song, a fragrance, everyday experiences and our lives. It is not the same, but nothing ever is. The only constant is change; life is ever-changing. We can develop this new relationship with the spirit world and all those we have lost. The connection will be there; however, we must change our limited view of wanting to be with them, to understand that they are with us today, tomorrow and forever. 

Bobby http://www.TheSacredSpirit.netKitsios is a psychic, healer and medium, and the owner of The Sacred Spirit in Stamford. Connect at TheSacredSpirit.net. See ad, page 53. 

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