When I think about nurturing myself, I usually imagine adding something like better habits, more movement or self-care. But one of the most powerful ways I’ve learned to nurture myself is also one of the hardest: saying no.

Even now, I sometimes say yes before I’ve really checked in. Before I take a breath and ask myself: does this spark energy or joy? Or am I saying yes out of habit, obligation, fear of disappointing, or wanting to be liked?

My body usually speaks first. Sometimes it offers a soft, “this feels right.” Other times it signals firmly, “not right now” or “nope, not for me.” Often it lingers somewhere in between—uncertain, wavery, tugging this way and that. My shoulders tighten. My breath gets a little shallower. There’s a sinking in my gut, a quiet reminder not to push past my own signals. Learning to trust these whispers has become one of the kindest forms of self-care I know.

Boundaries are not about shutting people out. They’re about protecting my energy so I can show up fully present and engaged. Science backs this up. People who assert their needs experience less stress, lower burnout and better emotional well-being. Saying no isn’t just about my calendar. It’s about my mind and my nervous system.

Here’s what I’ve noticed: when I take on too much, resentment creeps in. Not loud anger—just fatigue, nagging irritation, that stretched-too-thin feeling. It’s easy to aim that frustration outward—at the person, the request, or the situation, especially when others don’t step up. Most of the time, though, it isn’t really about anyone else. It’s my own response to ignoring myself. Realizing that is uncomfortable—and freeing.

I also remind myself that when someone else tells me no, I don’t think less of them. I usually understand. I respect their honesty. So why do I assume the opposite will be true when it’s me?

Saying no can be simple, honest, even playful. Some of my go-to lines are:

• “Thanks for thinking of me—I can’t this time.”

• “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the band width right now.”

• “I really want to enjoy our time, so this week won’t work.”

• “I can’t make the event, but let’s find an other time.”

• “Thanks—my calendar just laughed at me, so I’ll have to pass.”

Every time I honor my limits, I make room for what really matters. I check in with myself and clear space for what lights me up. Recently, I said no to something I love but felt too tired to do. It was uncomfortable—but afterward, I felt lighter, more present and fully available for what mattered most in that moment.

Saying no consciously creates space in my calendar, my body and my heart—for rest, clarity, creativity and deeper connection. I have learned that clear boundaries are often met with more respect than constant over-giving. But the greatest shift happens inside, as quiet trust grows each time, I honor my own signals.

I’m still practicing, still catching myself, still learning to trust my inner signals. And every time I choose alignment over obligation, I send my body and heart a clear message: I matter too. One honest no at a time.

Ingrida Perri, MA, JD, is a Duke Integrative Medicine-trained health coach and an integrative life coach, meditation teacher and laughter yoga leader. She empowers clients to make meaningful, lasting change through heart-centered presence and practical problem-solving while providing tools to feel balanced, clear and well every day. For more information on 1:1 and group coaching, classes and workshops, visit SpiritInTraining.com, call/text 475-291-1693 or email [email protected]. See ad, page 2.

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