Grief can become lodged in the body, lingering in muscles, joints and fascia. As the saying goes, “The issues are in the tissues.” Our bodies remember experiences on a cellular level, and unprocessed pain often manifests as physical tension. To heal, our emotions need to move.

Paul Denniston, author of Healing Through Yoga: Transform Loss into Empowerment, says yoga poses can foster recovery because they “help you find safety in the body.” With that safety, he says, people can befriend their feelings and transform them.

Denniston developed what he calls “a compassionate practice” designed for healing grief. It consists of five stages: awareness, expression, connection, surrender and evolution. Each one incorporates poses, movement and sound to help navigate loss and restore peace. He encourages people to move through the steps at their own pace and return to them as often as needed.

Awareness

Awareness is the first step in healing. “Awareness is being present to the sensations in your body,” Denniston says. When emotions like grief, sadness and anxiety can’t be integrated and resolved, symptoms can manifest in the body. For instance, we might grind our teeth at night or we walk around with a knot in our stomach, or grief gets stuck in our shoulders as if we’re carrying the weight of loss.

Identify where grief is lodged—anger, hurt, disappointment, abandonment or betrayal—and acknowledge it. Place a hand on the area, name it aloud and notice what arises. By honoring and accepting those sensations, difficult emotions can begin to be released.

Expression

“The only way to move through feelings is to express them,” notes Denniston. Once identified, grief can be released through physical movement or sound. This jettisons the pain so it doesn’t stay bottled up and fester. By getting the feelings out of the body, one is clearing the way for joy to enter. According to Denniston, “The only way to move through feelings is to express them.” 

Expression clears space for joy to return. This may include vocalizing—anything from a sigh to a roar—or raising the arms to the sky while asking aloud, “Why?” Movement, such as shaking the hands, rolling the shoulders or twisting the torso, can help “shake off” what’s being carried. Keep moving until the hurt feels emptied. Visualize it leaving the body.

Connection

The third stage is connection which brings a return to center and a sense of renewal. “Listen to your body,” says Denniston, “It will tell you what you need.”

Quiet the mind, soften the body and focus on gratitude—perhaps for a tree outside the window or a warm cup of tea. Place a hand on the heart and say “thank you” for simply showing up for one’s own healing and being with challenging emotions.

To connect and center, self-touch, such as a gentle massage, can increase circulation, soothe muscles and boost the immune system. Another practice: cup the hands as if holding water, lift them to the forehead and say, “I wash in light … I bless myself.”

Surrender

Surrender is the practice of letting go of struggle to find peace. Instead of clinging to the pain, grief or anger, offer it to something larger—whether that’s God, the Divine Spirit, Source or a higher power. With trust comes faith—this opens the door for acceptance and empowerment.

Denniston suggests restorative postures such as lying face down on the floor in the following poses.

The Resting pose: Simply lie on the stomach on the floor with one cheek on the mat and hands by the sides. Rest fully on the mat.

Caterpillar pose: From a seated position, extend the legs forward. Bend at the hips toward the toes, folding over the knees. Hold for two minutes, then release and straighten the spine upward.

Savasana: Lie on the back on a mat with arms at the sides, palms up, and legs extended flat. Close the eyes and focus on the breath. With each inhale and exhale “merge into one with the support that surrounds you, and rest,” says Denniston. Continue in this pose for as long as desired.

Evolution

In evolution, grief becomes integrated. “Grief doesn’t get smaller. But we get bigger,” adds Denniston. Grief brings wisdom. Loss deepens wisdom, resilience and courage.

Then we should consider how we want to live now, what nourishes us and how our experiences can serve others.

“You’re here for a reason,” Denniston affirms. “Grief can help you discover it.”

Robin Fasano is a regular contributor to Natural Awakenings.