Ever notice how often little phrases slip into conversations—“I have to,” “I don’t have time,” or “I’m so far behind”? They may seem harmless, but they sneakily shape how life feels. The words we repeat most often become the story we believe. But what if we could change that story?

We can, and here’s a simple trick to use: say it differently.

Take “I have to,” for example. Years ago, I gave up gluten to help my body heal. At first, I felt frustrated and even a little resentful—I felt like I had to deprive myself. Then my husband gently reminded me that I always have a choice. Saying “I choose to” changed everything. Suddenly, what had felt unfair became a positive, empowering step.

Other familiar phrases can be reframed, too:

“I don’t have time” → “It’s not a priority right now.”

Clear and honest. It keeps the focus on what matters most.

“I’m so far behind” → “I’m doing my best.”
Every step counts. This shift turns pressure into encouragement.

“I can’t handle this” → “I choose to rest” or “I’ll take one step.”

Recognizing what is needed—rest or gentle action—helps build resilience.

The brain is naturally wired to cling more tightly to the negative than the positive. Psychologist Rick Hanson puts it simply: “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” That negativity bias once helped humans survive by scanning for threats, but today it can fuel unnecessary stress and anxiety.

Here’s the magical part: thanks to neuroplasticity, the brain can change. Repeating positive phrases or noticing small wins strengthens new neural pathways. Bit by bit, the mind can be rewired for optimism, confidence and resilience.

Ingrida Perri, MA, J.D., is a Duke Integrative Medicine–trained Health Coach and an Integrative Life Coach with decades of meditation and holistic practice. She combines presence and intuition with analytical skills from her legal career, giving clients tools they can use today and guiding them toward meaningful change that lasts. For more information on 1:1 and group coaching, classes and workshops, visit SpiritInTraining.com or email [email protected]. See ad, back cover. 

Flip One Phrase

Try this: pick one phrase you catch yourself saying. Write it down. Add a positive reframe beneath it. Place it where you’ll see it every day. With each positive reframe, the brain learns a new story—one that feels lighter, kinder and far more encouraging—and gradually, life begins to reflect it.

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