If you bring up the subject of death, it’s usually a conversation stopper. Most people don’t know what to say. They feel uncomfortable, stay quiet or step away. But in fact, the more we accept death and integrate it into our daily awareness, the less afraid we become of both living and dying.

Dale Borglum, Ph.D., is the founder and executive director of Northern California-based The Living/Dying Project. He’s been working with the dying for more than 40 years. Borglum began this work with Ram Dass in the early 1980s.

“Being with the dying reminds us of what’s important,” says Borglum. At the end of our journey, we want to say that we lived to the fullest and lived consciously.

Live Consciously

“To be conscious means to live in the present moment—not the past or future,” says Borglum. It’s about living deeply in the now. You’re not forcing a situation to be different. You simply receive the moment with your whole self: body, mind and heart. It’s being present to what is, without trying to change or fix anything.

Living consciously is similar to dying consciously, he explains, because how people live typically determines how they die. “If you live generously and gratefully, you also tend to die the same way,” says Borglum.

The less narcissism, the less fear of death. The more narcissism and self-centeredness, the more fear of death. Narcissism leads to separation.

He points out that the qualities that contribute to living consciously—awareness, compassion, gratitude and open-heartedness—are the same qualities that help us meet the dying process with receptiveness and mindfulness.

To promote conscious living, Borglum suggests saying, “I’m going to die, but I don’t know when.” This turns the mind toward living in the present moment and savoring it. We realize the preciousness of now—of this very life—and that this moment will never happen again in quite the same way, as each moment gives way to the next.

Find What’s Most Important to You

The work is about finding the most important thing in your life, Borglum emphasizes. Ask yourself: What’s the most important thing in my life? Then strive to live in accordance with that every day.

It’s very hard to comprehend or even imagine our own death. Almost everyone acts as though they’re immortal, he notes. “But if we really knew in our bones that we were actually going to die, how would you live? What would you do differently?”

Borglum observes that as people get near the end, they’re totally honest about what matters most. There’s no concern with superficiality, appearance or image. They’re completely real, he adds.

How You Live Now Is Preparation for Dying

The best way to prepare for dying well is to live well, he says. “Every moment can be seen as preparation for dying. Not in a morbid sense, but to recognize that the only moment in which presence and awakening can happen is right now.”

From having a conversation to answering an email, are you completely present? Are you acting with awareness?

How much have you loved?

We all leave our imprint on the world. Every thought and action vibrates through the universe and either helps or hinders. Before every decision, ask: What are the consequences on my soul if I do this?

Heal the Eternal Self

All religions say there’s something in each of us that doesn’t die—whether it’s the soul, consciousness or spirit, acknowledges Borglum. Spend time nourishing the “beingness” of your deepest core instead of getting distracted by “doing” and your to-do list. To the extent that you’re attached to externals and identified with the material and physical world, it will be harder to let go into dying.

Being with the dying is ultimately about helping people heal, explains Borglum. “People realize they need to heal in three areas: their relationship with themselves, their relationship with others and their relationship with God.”

Everyone wants to be whole and feel connected to themselves and others, he says. Toward the end of life, many people go through a deep and transformative process: They forgive others and themselves.

Death, he says, can be a powerful opportunity for awakening.

Robin Fasano is a regular contributor to Natural Awakenings magazine.